Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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