I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
