so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
