3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
