i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize