if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My vagina is officially offended.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
