You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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