Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
