he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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