I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
of course. lets lasso hookers.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
did i just pee glitter
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
