Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
