If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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