so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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