If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
