i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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