This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
sarcasm needs its own font
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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