just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
