Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
