im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
