where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Its about making memories worth repressing
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
