I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
ttyl tear gas
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
