I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
