I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
