either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize