I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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