Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
