I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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