party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
