Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
