i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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