My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
