we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
