Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I love black thongs
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
