plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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