ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
