yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
