it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
