I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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