after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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