I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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