I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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