so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
