Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
