I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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