Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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