I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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