i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
