I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Randomize
