Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
