I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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