Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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