When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
