some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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