When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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