Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? ๐๐
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her heโs got a huge D too?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
