The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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