Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
