the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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