i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
