I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
