I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
