U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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