Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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