Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The beer is more important than you right now.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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