Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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