I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
