I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
