hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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