Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
