I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
