Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
